All She Wants For Christmas

My nine year old, Arianna, was VERY excited to hand over her Christmas list this year. The list had been edited, scribbled on, thought through, folded and refolded. The requests were numbered and at the top she had put "iPhone".
"Arianna honey," I said. "For real babes. You can't get an iPhone. You're nine and me and your Dad don't even have an iPhone."
"I don't want it for the phone part," she explained. "I want it for the cool apps."
"Probably not gonna happen," I said as my eyes drifted up and down her wish list.
There was a Nancy Drew PC game, a game for the Wii, she wanted a Razor Scooter. I began to wonder if she truly understood the value of things. Had me and Rob fought so hard to give our kids everything that they somehow didn't realize some things were more valuable than others? Did she understand that one silly Wii game cost a few hours of solid work out of us? And then my eyes caught Number Seven on her list.
A plane ticket for Piper. Piper was the golden hair beauty two doors down in our old neighborhood in New York. They went to the same school and had countless sleep overs. They traded friendship bracelets, painted each other's nails and giggled through High School Musical (1,2 and 3).
Arianna made no secret of her despair in leaving her behind when we moved last month.
"Good grief Ari," I said, ready to give her a lesson in economics. "Do you think we're made of money? A plane ticket? Do you know how much that would cost? If we got Piper a plane ticket, that would be all you got...we wouldn't be able to afford another thing on the list."
"Okay," she said solemnly.
"Okay what?" I asked. I wanted to hear her say it - I wanted to know that she got the lesson - that money doesn't grow on trees and hard earned cash is...well, hard earned.
"Okay," she said. "She's all I want. Use all my Christmas money on her ticket. Can we call her mom when we get home?"
"Oh gosh," I thought to myself. "She's not kidding." As I fought to explain that Piper was probably equally wanted by her parents on Christmas Day, it dawned on me:
Arianna knows the meaning of true value after all. Money doesn't grow on trees, and neither do best friends.

(Just noticed I had written this blog and never published it....wow....it was so long ago. Still adore us some Piper. :)

Wait What? Weight Watchers.

I don’t know when I got fat. It kind of snuck up on me.  I’ve always been thin growing up and in my head, I’ve always been skinny but here lately I’ve had to wear jeggings…all the time.  My son was the first to point it out. “Mom, I’m not saying you’re fat,” he said. “I’m just saying your arms are fat.”

Then one day I noticed my jacket kept getting hung up on something.  It was my butt.

“Hmmmmm, maybe I should do something about that,” I thought to myself.  But then I took a nap instead and forgot.  Then, I hurt my back at work.  I was sent to Physical Therapy where my therapist kept using the terms “women your age” and “working on your core.”  In other words, I was old and fat. 

Then my foot started hurting.  Plantar fasciitis.  Crippling.  Again, the foot doctor mentioned weight.

The last straw was my husband.  I had begun wearing elastic banded anything around the house.  I refused to buy a higher size even if that meant I was going to have to wear my Oscar Mayer Wiener pajama bottoms constantly.  So be it.  My husband came in and beheld me in all my elastic banded glory.

“So that’s it then?” He asked after giving me the once over with his eyes. “You’re just giving up?”

So this year, it’s our 25^th Wedding Anniversary – and my 45^th Birthday too….so I’m giving myself the gift of health – hopefully.  At least, that’s my plan.

I joined Weight Watchers.  And this is my journey, if you care to take it with me.

Day One:

It was our first weigh-in.  Just as I suspected – I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  I got all the startup material for the 17 week program.  Luckily, my work is providing the venue and is kind enough to take the payments out of my next few checks.  There is a joker who likes attention at the meeting who continually asks useless questions.  This is already getting on my nerves.  I look through the book….overwhelmed.  I forgot to tell them I don’t cook.  This may be a problem.  Immediately I realize I’m going to have to put every organizational tool I have into place if this is going to be successful.  I leave the meeting a bit deflated….like a Belichick football only fatter.

I got home and signed up for my free eTools app so I could keep track of my binges on my smart phone.  For fun, I used the recipe builder and input Rob’s awesome Chicken Casserole to see how many points I consumed last night for dinner.  If my calculations are correct, Rob’s Chicken Casserole with its sour cream, cream of mushroom soup, jasmine rice, a sleeve of Ritz Crackers and 3 cups of Shredded Cheddar Cheese and broccoli……was 26 points per tablespoon.  That’s all the points I’m allowed in one day, in one bite.

This may be harder than I thought.

Stay tuned.
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update: First Weigh In: http://musingrhonda.blogspot.com/2015/02/weight-watchers-weigh-inweek-one.html


 

The Donna I knew...

Donna Douglas stood obstinately with one foot on the train and the other on the platform.

“My friend needs to get on,” she said to the conductor as she pointed at me.  It was clear the train, that was already full, wasn’t leaving without me because Donna Douglas wasn’t going to let it.  It wasn’t because she was a diva, she was just persistent and practical.  If you were her friend, there was no limit to what she would do for you.

We were in Baton Rouge at the zoo and we were ending our eventful day with a train ride around the park.  Donna brought her friend from High School, Winona, and another friend, a Professor of Psychology from LSU.  She sat behind us and once, while I was lost in conversation with her Professor/friend, she tapped me hard on the shoulder.

“What are y’all doing?  Look, look!  You’re missing all the critters,” she motioned to a turtle and yes, she really used the word critters. (A lot)

We were at the zoo that day because I had invited her to speak at our Church of God mother/daughter day at the zoo.  We made special shirts with her image.  They said “I spent the day with Elly May…” and they had her likeness on the front.  She loved them.  Because they were pink and Donna Douglas loved pink.  She loved them so much she ordered extra to give away.  That day at the zoo we had an Elly May lookalike contest.  My daughter wore a rope belt and as she exited the bathroom at the zoo she struggled to retie it.  “Here, let me do it for you, I’ve got a little experience,” Ms. Donna said and bent over to tie my daughter’s rope belt.  I took aim with my camera…the iconic moment was not lost on me.

People enjoyed her so much that day and I marveled at how very easy it was to book her.  I saw her at a library, asked for her card and called her home number.  She was her own agent.  She hated to ask church organizations for money she had told me but at the same time she said, “I can’t let you starve me.”  After all was said and done she actually sent money back to us.  “I always like to give some back,” she told me later.

Ms. Donna will always be known for Elly May and I think that was okay with her.  But I think more than that, she was a defender of Elly May’s image and innocence. She hated the sexual objectifying of Elly May.  Max Baer (Jethro) wanted to start a restaurant/theme park in Vegas of some sort that included hamburgers on “Elly May’s Buns”.

She rolled her eyes at the thought.  “Me and Max always differed on the idea of family entertainment,” she would say.

There are some things that people don’t know about Donna Douglas that I discovered during my time with her….

1)      Yes, she starred with Elvis.  But no, she didn’t want to talk about it.  “Put a period on it,” she would say if you brought it up.
2)      She loved pink and if she found a pink shirt with ruffles and lace that she liked, she bought five.
3)      She wore her Elly May wig….all the time….everywhere.
4)      She loved vitamins.  She had a strict regimen and would be happy to tell you all about it.
5)      She would not take advantage of your goodness toward her… she must’ve called a hundred times before our event to let me know she was bringing guests…and that she would pay extra for their meals and their tickets.  “Is that okay?” she’d ask.  And of course it was….and of course I didn’t let her pay…but she asked and for that, she was golden in my book from start.
6)      She was private. 
“I need your address so I can send you this….” I asked her once. 
“Okay,” she said, “but don’t tell anyone where I live.  I don’t want anyone out here taking pictures of me on my John Deere.”
7)      She liked kids. We were at PF Chang’s once and my son dropped his straw under the table.  I told him we’d get another but he obsessed about that one.  Before I could stop her Donna Douglas was under the table.  Far under the table…retrieving it.  “If he likes this one, he should have this one.” And so he did.  And when the kids pleaded for the delectable chocolate dessert after dinner, she made sure they got that too.
8)      She could put away some General Tso’s Chicken.
9)      Her legal name was Doris….Doris Leeds.  (Mr. Leeds was a director of the Beverly Hillbillies and her second husband.)
10)   She deeply and truly loved Buddy Ebsen.  “He was like a real father to me,” she said of him.
11)   She also really loved animals….she owned cats and could tell you the name of every dog that she played with on the set of the Beverly Hillbillies.  There was one in particular she would point out in an old Beverly Hillbillies promo shot.  “This one was my favorite.  He went on to be on Petticoat Junction.” (see photo below)
12)   She loved Jesus.  She had reached a time in her life when she would only speak if she was going to speak about Jesus.  The Elly May gig just became a sidebar to the main message.  Christ changed her life and she couldn’t wait to tell you about it.  And then sing….what a voice.
13)   She had a flip phone….that she wasn’t quite sure how to use.  “Can you tell me who just called me?” she would ask, and hand it to my husband.
14)   She was independent. She drove herself.  She had a gray Honda Pilot and she kept the roads hot with it.

15) She disliked the internet.  "They get so much wrong," she told me when I was trying to write up her introduction bio.  "Just introduce me as a friend who has a story to tell them," she said.   And what a story it was...

16)   She loved her fans.  There was a line a mile long for her autograph at the zoo.  She

"He loved to play," she said of the terrier mix.

signed them all.  (Proverbs 3:5,6 was always included.) And she posed for pictures.  Countless pictures. Later she called me, “I think everyone enjoyed it, don’t you?”  Indeed they did.
17) She could really whistle like she did in the show.  She ended each event with it.
18)   If you called her at home she was going to put you on speaker…and there was going to be southern gospel music in the background.  And she was going to call you “sugar.”  Before we’d hang up she was always careful to ask how I was.  “That’s what’s going on in my world sugar,” she’d say, “What about yours?”

When she turned 80, I called her to wish her a happy birthday.  “I’m holding, I’m holding! No more birthdays for me.” she said.  And we laughed and we made a renewed commitment to get together again soon.  Maybe in the spring I said.  “I’d love that.  Let’s get it on the calendar,” she said.  And I meant to…

I meant to…..